gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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