I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
