Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
