RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
