4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
