So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
