Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
