First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
