Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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