You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
