she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
