she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
