We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
