actually, I'm a sock model
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
