I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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