I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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