24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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