I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
