I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
