Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
