This is not my ceiling
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
