Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
