remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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