**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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