You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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