I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
