You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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