I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
