i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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