I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
