the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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