well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
