She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
