im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
