I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
