They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
