garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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