you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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