my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
