Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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