I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
