Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
