Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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