I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
