dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
