ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
