yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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