Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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