I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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