I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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