she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
