I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
