I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
