There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
