How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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